simple mii

miss the seventh

2008-01-12T12:26:00.000-08:00

Hello blogger.
Im here again.
It feels nice knowin no one will come here.
So i blogged here.

Im darn sick.
Sometimes when i hear you talk about her.
It makes me think of bestie.

Sometimes when i feel so shit.
Those that cheered me up are like them. Hmm

I once read a book.
Boyfriends/Girlfriends come and go.
Only bestfriends stay forever.
Is that true? But it's utterly selfish to make your bestfriends stay with you forever.
Haha!

I miss my bestfriends.
My bestie. ):
I used to rely on him on almost everything.
Called him, pranked him, and lotsa stuffs.
It's no longer the same.
& everyone has a part to play in this BIG CONFLICT.

I miss the sevenths.
They gave me warmth. Uncountable type of happiness.
No doubt there's sadness, but i love them.
I wish & i wish & i wish.

You don't make me feel secure.
& certainly i don't feel like we're a couple. You get it?
Why am i wanting so much? Hais.
Who doesn't want to be loved? Hmm.

Sometimes jiejie is right, we love ppl who makes us upset. Haha!
Sometimes life is just so mundane.

I miss eunice.
I miss yinah.
I miss cheehao.
I miss kenneth.
I miss delin.
I miss sanche.
I miss siying.

Stop patronizing.
Leave me so fcukinh alone.

Thankfully i love my OG ppl.
They are such lovelies. :D

Nothing to say.
What do you want most in a relationship?
Have you ever wondered?

It sucks you know.
When you're single, you feel empty inside.
When you're attached, you feel so frustrated about so many stuffs.
IT'S LIKE WTH -.-''

Alrights. Goodbye (:

shag like fuck

2008-01-06T22:49:00.000-08:00

I believe the post i posted on second, no one read it.
This blog is like dead.
But i just don't bear to close it.

I don't know what love is.
I don't know how to describe the way i love you.
I don't know how you actually feels.
But it's feels like shit knowing that i doubt you.
It won't make you feel good as well.

I don't feel like blogging at xanga anymore.
I'm waiting for army to tell me about livejournal.

The fact is you just can't let them go.
Be it they are just friends.
I'm a girl. You're a boy.
We both know how it feels like for the other party being close to opposite sex.
I guess we both know that.

It's just haunting me.
Killing me slowly.
No matter how hard i tried, and how hard you tried.
It just can't get off my mind.
You made me hate myself for hating/disliking her.
That's how bad it is.
You get it?

Why did i even let us go till so far?
You're not that a great person, but i just want you.
You're so lovable. You said just me and you.
Me and you, and it really be that way?
Nahs, it wouldn't.
Because you have them, plus ur guy friends.
I have my girls. my friends as well.

I don't know. Every moment spent with you is simply just so wonderful.
And sometimes i wonder, have you ever thought about her when you're with me?
I wish i'm being paranoid, and you saying the truth that you don't.
I hate myself for doubting.
I've never felt this way. Never ever love this way too.
It's way too scary, it's like im getting possessive.
This is something i've never wanted.

Since aprilo7, this has been dragging. You know it. Hmmm
I'm relieve i have ppl like jiejie, cj, eunice, yn.
They're like my life.
& of course i won't forget you too boy.

The sevenths, i really miss every single one of them.

I'm really scared. Of everything.
I don't understand a single freaking thing.
Enlighten me anyone?

When it's just me and you.

doubts

2007-11-02T21:08:00.000-07:00

i doubt anyone will read this post since i've already switched to xanga.

i don't know why.
i hate the big big rain.
with the thunders and lightnings.
it's scaring me.

i miss lenis. ):
i don't know why too.
but i really do miss lenis.

i hate exams. /:

im simply under so much duress.
from i don't know what.
exams. bills. and just life. );
that i broke down.

i kept crying. -.-
which is stupid i know.
but i just can't stop.

mugg hard.
endure everybody.
takecare.
goodbye. ):

; it's just so sad that nothing stays with me forever

With lots of love,
weili )-:

stupid day

2007-10-05T21:37:00.000-07:00

i dun like this.

go away. don't talk to me.

just one word from you, makes me upside down.

hopes

2007-09-06T10:25:00.000-07:00

it's weird when you actually wish ur ex and his girl would last..

it's no longer possession.
it's pure hopes.
sheer elation upon knowing ppl ard you are happy.
not just the ones you loved. but simply everyone ard you.

i pray for ur happiness, boy.
i miss hearing you sing..

lotsa love,
me. mE. SIMPLE MII (:

boyy.

2007-08-05T02:08:00.000-07:00

i wanna hear you sing so badly.

:(

19 days

2007-07-15T05:58:00.000-07:00

19 days already.
i completed even the both sides of the new cardboard.
i may have changed but my feelings don't

i resisting my computer like how im refraining myself to call/sms you even though i feel so much that i want to.

many many many many days.

besties=love

2007-07-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY.
becos i love my besties. <3

lalalaaaaaa

2007-07-07T04:35:00.000-07:00

i blogged here. and i deleted it.
decided to post it in xanga.

hais

o7o7o7 ; nice ; my favourite no.7
but suckiest day

sad

2007-06-28T22:48:00.000-07:00

MEtoYOU again;

actually im not gonna blog here. but i know you'll pass by here. not everydae, perhaps one day, dunno when. and cos i didnt give you my xanga blog add.

to be with you was/is like a dream come true. [i dunno is or was is preferable]
every word you've said, no matter real or fake, were like music to my ears. and i believe every single thing. really (:

it's weird and scary when we meet up, and nothing goes wrong. we were like happy with each other. im not sure if you are. but i always am. but the veri next moment after you leave, it seems like a nightmare. it's as if i've been woken up from my beautiful dream.

i understood the stuffs that you've said.. that was why when you dun contact me, i try my best not to find you even though i feel so much wanting to do so. i wanna know you better, yea it's difficult to know what ya thinkin and stuffs but i'll try my very best yea.

i dunno why i wanna put on a brave front sometimes. and it was a lie when i say im so good, so fine.. sometimes i wanna shout in your face tellin you how much i want you by my side and that i need you. ahhh, but it's like crap. how could i do such a thing.

at times i think it's wrong to love. but what's wrong with lovin? perhaps cos i dunno the way i should love you..

and many many times i wanna know a lot a lot of stuffs. somehow the questions marks in my mind never seems to lessen. and they are so bad to me, they always disappear when i see you thats why i go blank and i'll keep smiling. lol. though i rmb everything i wanna ask now but it's damn weird writin them here and anyways i wrote alot yea?

PS, you must know, i'll always be here even if you're gone. <3

mt oral = screwed = :'(
im drained out.

two nice songs. enjoy..

*NA NU HAI

*JI SHI BEN

photos dayy

2007-06-23T01:32:00.000-07:00

today, i had band(loves). then after band, i was on a mission to take some pictures. that i think are impt to me. hmm. i've caused you to start things. but what most pathetic is that, things were left hangin there. i've tried hard enough. hence, i should just end things nicely with these pictures that only one person will understand. and that's me! xD

this was how we miraculously got to know each other. on the 7th of april.

then.
this was the first time we talked on msn. lol

this was where i first met you, rmb?

and we sat there and had our veri first dinner. haha

we then sat here where you had 2/3 puffs?
yellow cross = you then you kept movin near me, so
green cross = me then i kept movin that direction
hahahahha..

this bus stop. hmmm

behind the bus stop. where you walked to dunno where with the tissue. hahaha. and you said you wanna dance for me. lol

simei rd ; that bus stop

that particular seat.. where you sang to me. :D

that pathwayy ;

that extremely special spot ; i'll never forget ; 7thJUNE

9thJUNE

the place where courageous me asked you silly qns

then we moved on to this place. hmmm

last place i've seen you :(

one day i drew this

thruout these months i finished 2sides of the cardboard
plus i have another one. LOL

and thats the end. perhaps this is my so called 'nice endin' heeee

i dun have anything left but just these memories that i'll rmb. this is the only thing i can do which i think is nice. the most amazin thing is i saw you today. the time when i least expected to see you. my heart thumped like one kind. and i couldn't behave normally. hmmmm. but at least you once sang to me. not once, many many many times. :D dun work so hard alrights, you need a break at times too..

i know i always keep you in my <3 ; be strong ; and prays for you to be okays :D

i closed this chapter of the book(my life). LOL

this was actually my plan for the 2 weeks. lame rights! it's kinda sad cos i didnt manage to do most of them. :C

hahahha. what nice pictures yea? nicest and longest post ever. with lotsa pics and rantings.

i'm doin this from like 11plus to now like 1.18am. my com is so lag and gues what? i still can tolerate it! lol.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY CAMELIA, HOPE YOU LIKE THE PRESENT! (22june)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERRILL N SUINA ! HOPE YOU GIRLS ENJOY UR DAY ! (23june)

hahaha. i happy when im with heidi. and weijie. thanks ppl! xD really. not forgeting snow who accompanied me thru the sleepless nights. love you ppl to bits!

and i miss my girls. miss goin crazy with them. can't wait for 30th june.. im gonna ton!! hee. :D

i miss soakin in the pool with ying chattin non stop.. hehh

most imptly ; i do miss you all these while.
and i wish wat aaron kor said is true. though i know he's just consolin me. thanks kor.

i'll blog at my xanga in future. anyways, greenstarss are wonderful xP
goodbye ppl (:

*the nicest end to everything is when i keep you deep down in my <3*

switchin!

2007-06-19T22:30:00.000-07:00

im leavin here! perhaps for good! i'll blog here when i feel like it. lol!

IM SWITCHIN TO XANGA! =D you can ask me if you want it. LOLS!

that's not the happiest thing.

the happiest thing is WEILI'S BACK!!!! xD

cheers!

time waits for no man! it's a new start! xDDD

miss me okays ppl! hahahahahahhahaaaa. i'm crazy! who cares! whateverr! =DDDDDDD

can try taggin! hee. my tagboard is so empty. lol! i'll surely reply this time. heee

pain is NOT for pleasure

2007-06-16T02:19:00.000-07:00

THIS IS PAINFUL YET IT'S NOT STOPPING

MY WORLD IS CRUEL. IM SCEPTICAL.

TWO OF A KIND. WHY!? HOW COULD IT BE?!

=c

2007-06-14T22:01:00.000-07:00

ytd.

i waited till 4 plus 5 in the mornin. but it did not ring. i msged. but there were no replies.

when i was waitin. i felt like dyin. because im coughin like a mad dog. seriously. and my nose was blocked. my throat hurt like one kind. nobody knows except snow..

i used to never understand. i only knew i lost track of everything.. now i guess i know. and im strong. im once again more sensible! lol! it's like i tried real hard this time. it's not just hard. it's real real real real hard! god knows why. hmm. i pushed and asked for too much perhaps. but i'll just wait for things to get better itself. i know ya're busy so i'll just wait.. you know im always here. (:

i've learnt not to tell yn sis ler. seriously i must have irritated ppl ard me. lol. esp yn sis n him. im so sorry. really veri sorry.

i listened to many songs. damn nice!

sum 41 - all messed up
ashanti - rain on me
ashanti - foolish
jenny yang - bu gong ping
darren hayes - i miss you
westlife - miss you
wang li hong - ni bu zai
zhuo wen xuan - ai wo hao ma
m2m - pretty boy
m2m - why
tata young - cinderella

still got many more. but i dun rmb. lol xD

today..

is the strangest day ever.

im down with all those stupid things i had ytd plus gastric is actin up again! i woke sis up for work at 8. met wtiing at 1130. we went airport -coffeebean*<3 to study. im shocked, we sat right beside wh's girl. we exchanged stares quite a number of times. hah. then soon, wh appeared too. it was really them. haha. i dun feel anything much for him. but i felt weird that veri moment. lol, and i saw many stuffs. hahaha. and im glad it already ended and i dun rmb much i guess. hehh

then someone wanted to take a pic with me! hahaha. so ting n i took with her! lol!

and i saw gays! and lesbians today! veri funny! hahaha. and ahgal-jolyn too! kinda sad, she took like 10secs to rmb me!!

and i bought these chocolates again. i rmb the veri first time i bought these was on 29april. and that was the very first time you sang for me. and i miss those times when you were so optimistic all day long. hahah. gonna give them to you tmw. hahahaa..

and on my way home, that bus stop i always wait for my second bus. it's like no matter how late it is, it's never empty. and today, it was real empty. seriously not a single soul. hence, i concluded today is the 'weirdest' day ever.

i finally become like myself again. haahaha. and i wan things to get better.. please. i'll wait till that day comes.

i typed alot! xDD

confusin

2007-06-11T13:13:00.000-07:00

it's CONFUSING~

i talk to myself `

i cannot help but pour everything out at yn sis.

sorry ):

WEI SHEN ME ~ ZHEN ME BAN ~

o7o6o7

2007-06-10T10:59:00.000-07:00

hahahah. im happy happy HAPPY can?!! heheh.. like what you've said, things are gettin better each day. :D and i dun like blogger when i can't change color and font size! :(

hope things never change forever.. i met silly boy ytd. he's really silly can, he slept for 20hrs! hahahah. and he said real silly and nice stuffs. thanku boy~ :P

and this was a pic i took. hahaha.

veri veri cute rights!! loves*

went to meet nana at night. it was hilarious. then she hit my head like one kind because i forgot what to ask him!! then i think henry was like shocked! but soon, things were great. we laughed and talked alot. all because of this too pic too. hahahaha. yinah is bian tai lor! hahaha. she took this pic one. hahaha.

then we were talkin n talkin. and i made sis real confused! im sorry girl. but i would want to see you happy. (:

she was unaware that i took this pic of her. lol!!

home i went. and i saw this.. cj has been playin this for like months, just to get their names up there. and it's finally there.. XD

sis and i were on phone til like 3? hahaha. all because of a photo she saw in friendster bout the 'hehgu and hunneh' she cannot stop laughin. she made me laugh like crazy too. and we both cannot stop! hahahaha. and now sis has a new name yineh. hahahahha. but she says hunneh nicer. lols!! hahahaha

happy endin? hee

be mine forever.
dun leave okays.
*ilu

hugg

2007-06-08T23:59:00.000-07:00

Hug by DBSK. it's in english laa. kinda weird. but nice eh. lol. and this is the lyrics yn sis found for me. hahaha.

Once I say I love you I think you would be gone. Oh baby.
Cause we are too young to love so I can’t say little long hold you in my arms.
But I will be waiting for you to say you want me to be with you.
I’ll live in your love and your dream forever and ever.

* Whenever you look in my eyes. There are so many smiles and tear.
I was born to love feel so deep inside if you need me I’ll be your man.
Whenever you look in my eyes. I do want to show you my love.
I make up my mind make your dreams come true.
Nobody can stop me to say I love you.

How can I ask who you are still looking for I’m the one. Oh baby.
Since love seems to make me blind I try to find all day long but I cannot hold.
We talk on the phone every night and so came closer day by day.
I touch you and kiss you and hold you to feel but in dream. [*]

In my arms & in my soul I want to hold you, baby.
You don’t know how much I love you. Do you baby.
Like a sun rising up I can stop loving you can’t hold back anymore. [*]

and i found a veri cute pic of dbsk! xD

i didnt go to sch today. and i went for dinner with wtiing. :D

no msgs, no calls today. i didnt do anything too. should i? :/

ahh. bored. ahhh. whateverr. :(

o7o6o7

2007-06-07T23:45:00.000-07:00

blogger is craps again. i can't change color!!

ytd. i was supposed to be feelin better. then talked to ch. everything turned upside down when his fren was added into de conver. he actually said why must i drag his frends into this. hais. and i didnt okays. you were fierce, scary.. ahhh.

and ken actually called me. im sorry that things are like that. pls be strong okays. everything will soon be over. take care brother!

and i actually went to find him. in the middle of the night. hahaha. and things turned out kinda good. those promises. i'll remember. everything. i won't forget. please dun ever be like that again okays. im scared. hais.

today, things finally exceeded 4 msgs. lol.. im happy. but the fear never seems to cease. ): and it's always scary when waitin for the replies. hais. will things still change. i want to see you. ):

and i slept lik 2 hrs. im really sick.. really. had a fever when i was at band. my throat hurts. my head is pain like hell. ahhhh.. i've been guilty of sth. hais. help me.

that big smile, i saw it :D
that smell, still so nice :P
that you, still so cute n silly
pls be like that always *hopes

:D

2007-06-06T17:08:00.000-07:00

i listened to that last song you sang. and i cried. again.

today, im sick. didnt go to sch. studied at home. looked thru many stuffs too. i realised i know where went wrong already. it all started when i cared too much.. it should be like that too the veri last last time. hmm.

and i realised i've been cryin alot these days. like a baby. lol. and i wouldn't ler. because i looked thru de msg history. everything was happy. every conver. and im happy too. the deal is we have each other here, and whoever leaves will get pinch. hahahaha.

i will be happy again.. hahaha. that's then me. i still believe you're nice. and that im nice to you because you're nice. hahahha.

i found out i cannot stop worryin. for ppl ard me. i worry bout my sis n cj. i worry bout how ya doin. i worry bout myself. i worry bout my mum. bout siying. hope she's doin fine. and now i startin to worry bout ken too.

oh please. i pray i pray. for everybody. esp for you and ur frend. and for ken.
please.

im positive. u didnt call me today, so perhaps tmw you will. :D

i can't wait for band tmw. gonna be fun. im sure. xD

=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=( 12 fcukin days

2007-06-05T18:58:00.000-07:00

song for the day.

i went all around. find my way there. just to pass the guard that. and the reason is just so simple

after that phonecall which lasted 6mins n 9secs at 951pm. i became hysterical. i opened my windows, stood by my windows, i looked at the place where i last seen you. and kept cryin. non stop. mummy came in, saw me. and i didnt bother. she kept badgerin me why im cryin. but i just continued cryin. she phoned sis. sis rushed home. but i went out, like eleven plus.. wanted just to see you. i bumped into sis. she stopped me. but i insisted. in the end, the 3 of us went to a nearby void deck. but i wanted to see you so much.. i made my sis cry when i was cryin. she left cj n i there. i went home at 2 plus 3. and i didnt slp. the whole night.

cj told me many stuffs. i realised many things too. but i still wanna believe in these. i've tried askin so much stuffs from you. at least im glad i asked. i tried. seriously how scared i was, nobody knows. that song, i wanna ask why too. hais.. everything you once said puzzled me. everything. i simply don't understand a single thing. im sorry i went crazy and i kept insistin to meet. hais.

yes wed? i know it wont happen. that's why i persisted.. but i'll still always hope i can see you.. it has already been 12 days.

ck kor fetched me to sch this mornin. thanks kor (: ! aaron kor saw. hahs. the wind was exceptionally cold this morning. and this dumb aaron startin crappin. say because i xin hui yi leng. but i dun get it laahs. he knows. and he tried to cheer me up. thanks kor! another thing was band. though i went like awhile here and awhile there. i felt kinda nice in band, because i'll always be so focused.

i made ppl ard me upset. esp my sis and mum. im veri sorry. something just went over me. i dunno how to say. but i became over emotional. and i m emotionally unstable at times, im sorry.. but i guess im fine now.

now, nth last more than 4 short msges.. sometimes i think i know why. because the fact is wo shen me dou bu shi ah. you meant alot to me yet perhaps i am nothing to you. that's why such things are happenin. and just that i dun wanna believe so.

smile. it's just so simple. really..

today is the most sad sad smiley face day. really. the both sides of the cardboard are gettin full. not much more space already. hais.

when i dunno anything i jumped to conclusions everywhere. hais. the best is to rewind ; to when everything is prefectly fine.

that smile. that brown eyes. that face. that voice. i won't forget.
i dun wan it to be the last phonecall.
dun hang up on me.

painn

2007-06-03T21:16:00.000-07:00

the saturday i looked forward to was -_-'''

i waited and waited and waited. but nevermind..

sis, cj n i drank from like 11pm to 6 this morning? i actually drank so much that i feel so sick today. extremely sick. but nvm, i love them alot. without them, i would end up cryin myself to bed again. lols. and i had a terrible dream which seemed so real. hais

im scared too. but time will prove everything. whether i get to know why or not. guess it's okays. i tried, i persisted. and i failed. so i'll just go with the flow. and wait for answers to come to me. wait for calls that will not come. everything still matters to me. alot. i don't dare to sms, don't dare to call, don't dare to talk first anymore.. but please take care alrights. if you ever need someone, rmb, im always here. always. (: take care silly!

i sought solace in alcohol. but i guess i won't do it again.

*i miss that big big smile and laughter.

this is for you

2007-06-01T00:45:00.000-07:00

Silly. i know you'll see this. and this post is especially for you.

meTOyou ;

It's been 7 days. only 7 days. but it's been a long and dreadful week for me. yes, you know im goin crazy. or perhaps already gone mad. i may not know you for veri long. and in like 6 more days, on june 7. i will know you for like 2 months? but i know you aren't like that. you dun lie to me and say you are fine and that everything's fine when it's bloody hell so not right.. for everything you do, i know there's a reason. each time i ask u something and when you dun wanna say, i'll not ask further. but only this time and that time when u stopped talkin to me. i kept askin.. because it matters to me. tell me, won't you boy..

At least in that phone call just now, i heard u singin, though veri softly. and that extraordinary laughter.. whether u laugh from ur heart, i dunno. i was so afraid that u wouldn't pick up. but you did. thanku (:

You said you'll see me on saturday. hopefully. and hey, stop fallin sick.. you've been sick since the day i know you. go see a doctor okays. no polyclinic i don't care. i'll bring you to one if i get to see you. heh.

Why would i remind you of the past? if seein me makes you wanna touch that thing, i rather you don't see me forever.. i know if this is it, i might not be able to take it.. ahhh i dunno. but i dun wan you to touch it. ni shuo guo ying wei wo, ni bu hui zai peng na ge dong xi de. ni hai ji de ma?

Glad she's gettin better..
prays* (:

It's only 7 days. not veri long yea? until i get to know why, if not i'll not stop askin. lalalalaa, some ppl might think it's so dumb when you keep askin or talkin to someone and they ignore you or dun wanna say anything. it's not dumb but it hurts alot.

But i think it's worthwhile yea? because like what ur friend, jonathan have said. and from what i've seen and know. ni shi hao ren. wo mei you pian ni. zhen de.

*i pray for her to get better.
*i pray for you to recover please.
*i pray n wish that i'll be able to see u on saturdae.
*when will you return to normal? :/
*tell me everything ; i'll always be here for u. really!

changed

2007-05-31T18:38:00.000-07:00

i changed my blogskin! but i must thank my dearest yn sis! hahaha. she's been helpin me. this skin gave me lotsa probs. THANKU~ xD

hmm. my plan for today is wrecked. hmm.. but nvm.

sometimes i wondered why it's so difficult for me to start a conversation. hmm. but this time, it's always me who initiated a conver. and it's so unlike me. and i feel so scared each time i do that. it's worse when u talk to someone, and the person just ignores you. right? i tried so hard... for what? i dunno..

when will things be back to normal like how it once was? :/

ahh, better stop here. im goin to east point-PETS SAFARI !! xD
hahahahaa..

hais. cryin cos of eu again

2007-05-30T22:54:00.000-07:00

ahh. whateverr.

stop cryin. it's just a phone call. please stop.. i dunno why im like that. hahaha. it's ridiculous. absolutely absurd. i know u aren't like that. so why. tell me all the reasons. i'll be able to take them.. tell me silly. dun ask me to take care of myself. ahh! and you said you'll call me tmw. i'll wait. please take care of urself then..

-i cry myself to bed

hehehe

2007-05-30T16:11:00.000-07:00

i forced myself to get out from bed this mornin. >.< !

i did lotsa stupid stuffs. but who cares. :D hope silly replies.

and i went joggin in the rain ytd! that big big rain! hmm. it was. eh. great? haha

i was lookin thru the pics in the digital cam. and i saw this. the sweetest thing that had happened.. hmm, perhaps not the sweetest but the thing that made me smile like a fool. and it's something to me. =D *so many many :D*

tmw's holiday! hope mummy brings sis n i to spca. heh. ahh, i wanna buy lotsa stuffs.. hahaha.

-that green nike shoes

-new bags

-samsung 10.9

-maltese? but i still like winston's jack russell alot!

-more clothes?

haha. actually not alot huh. lols. but those are just.. err.. hmm. what's that word? hahahas. can't think of that word. and i've concluded, exercisin makes one feel better, esp when you feel like crap. hahah. sleepin and extremely loud music help too!

i know they might be gone forever.

but i just wish. hope. pray.

the smiles. laughter. songs. most imptly you.

liars

2007-05-29T13:45:00.000-07:00

hahaha. i saw sth in friendster. friendster is such a.. hmm. hahaha. whatever.

i finally know! finally! finally! hahaha. the song fool again by westlife is nice huh. especially when u felt like one. lol

i want nothing from you. NOTHING. i want nothing from everyone. hais

guess what? i saw sth dumb today. and i kept laughin.. there's this guy in the bus, he was sleepin, then suddenly i heard a veri loud bang! haha. and i was like listenin to music and i still can hear it! imagine how hard he must have hit his head onto the window pane! hahaha.

我说过不会再掉眼泪了. whatever it is, this is reality. it's always turn out like craps. yes, i told myself today will be a nice day. i very well know it isn't. haha, but it will.. because i'll think it that way. save me! hahaha, but i think no one can. because stupidity cannot be cured. lols! but it's okay, no matter how tough these days will be, i can. hmm.

sometimes i ask myself, why you do always wanna act so brave. so strong.. just cry, it's not a crime to cry. im not a grown up. why can't i cry. but i dunno. so it's best that you just keep sleepin. sleepin and sleepin. hahahhaa.

i won't wait for that call. because my phone will never ring.. hee. hahaha, bloggin bloggin! i love my blog can, it's the only place i can pour all my feelins out, not exactly all, but most! im considerin to put pw in my blog. so it will be a private one! hmm.

anyways i received a lovely postcard from my dearest ying.. and she actually said she miss me! hahaha. think that's the first time? hahaha. i miss her too! ):

it's been 5days since 24thmay. hmm. 5 days. pathetic 5 days. it will soon be over.. what's goin on? sometimes i think i know. but now i really know i dunno. hahaha.. hais i miss my girls. miss those happy times. ahh.. why did you appear, and do this to me? hahahaha.

i've decided, maltese? hee.

pure stupidity! lol
difficult days just won't go away..

waitin for stars to fall

2007-05-28T23:35:00.000-07:00

mt papers are over! pheww.. quite okay i guess. hope everyone does well..

ah ken is funny laa.. he actually said i miss him.. but i don't. :P hmm, he laughed at me. sayin how can missin someone be happy.. haha. actually i don't really know. but just kept tellin myself im happy. so im happy.. :D

today's a fanstastic day. my day started with me havin a terrible headache. but whateverr. hmm. after the papers, i went to see my love! she cooked food for me. (: then i taught meilin some maths qns. she always drives me crazy.. i went home, went joggin. supposingly i was plannin to run myself, but my sis n cj accompanied me! so nice of them! it's been a long time that i run. and im plannin to run everyday, be it rain or shine. hahaha. hope so.

im hopin. pining for that msg. that call. but my phone never vibrates. hahaha. perhaps one day it will. PERHAPS.

i pray i pray. i pray for so much nice things to happen. i pray that ur friend is fine. i pray that all my love ones are gd. i pray for you. cos i believe i believe. i believe in what? i dunno. but who cares. ahahah.

ahh. im crappin away again.. hahahah. will tmw be better? i say it will. so of cos it will be nicceee for everybody!

jack russell? maltese? ahh! driving me insane! NO NO to sheepdog! hahaha. NO to pug too! lols.

i listen to ur song. my lullaby.. everynight~:D
sing to me only~
思念也可以是快乐的

miss you, boy

2007-05-27T19:11:00.000-07:00

it's been close to a week that i didnt blog. many many many things happened. i thought alot. and i know what's goin on already..

tmw's MT o lvl paper. gd luck to everyone takin the papers! :D

sometimes i wonder why do you need time. heh.. i pondered about the stuffs you told me. about the stuffs your friend said, which you asked me not to believe. but said if i wanna believe also can. lol. hmm. hope everything's okay in your life. i know what i want now. i know what the feelin is.. silly, rmb, dun ever do drugs.. i'll always be here for you der okays! always :D

im determined to study hard again.. hehe..

i miss you. and it's kinda weird. you make me motivate myself. lol.

i pray for your friend. (:

everyday will be a happy day as long as i make myself feel so. missing you can also be a nice feeling as long as i make myself think that way. (:

ur smiles, ur laughter, ur songs...
are what i hope for each dayy..

228th post

2007-05-21T00:41:00.000-07:00

救命啊!!!!

because yellow = you (:

i guess i won't be bloggin for a long time anymore. so let me type my heart out..

im cryin. cryin like nobody's business again. i closed my eyes, bit my lips. i tried hard not to let the tears out. but they came streamin down even when i didnt open my eyes.. why am i cryin? i don't know too.. im feelin so upside down. that kind of silence scares me. this isn't what it supposed to be. it wasn't like that at first. i don't know what went wrong. it was still alright last night. hmm. and i know i wont know what had gone wrong. i still remember the promise at that bus stop. i don't know why i bother to remember too.. if only i am a goldfish....

whatever it is, i believe what im feelin.. my instinct. i guessed it's not wrong this time.. but who cares.. this is freaky. freakin me out. nothing much happen, yet im like that. i think i must be crazy.. but i know i'll never allow myself to be like that again.. i can't sleep. i can't! and tmw's a long dae. i don't wanna see anybody..

what to do. what to do... shoot me in my head.. i hate thinkin. i hate to say, but i know im using studyin as an excuse. i alwaes study to keep myself not thinkin. but this time i can't. i can't even concentrate. that's the fcuking problem. ahhhh. im usin the f word. i must have lost my sanity.. hahahahha.

it's okay that you have nothing to say.
i don't wish to hear anything more too..
hais. if only i really don't wish to know anything..
but there's nothing for me to know.
so what's the problem with me?
I DON'T KNOW ! =[

lalalalalaaaaaaaaaa :'(

no more lullabies, no more this. no more that. will it end up to become like how it started? nothing at all?

OMG! it's so yellow!

hais

2007-05-20T19:55:00.000-07:00

today, i woke up like 6.. hais.

then went to eat with mummy. i hardly ate, and there she went, naggin n naggin. lol. hee. keith boy they all came. went to bought some stuffs. his dad paid.. thank u ah xiong korkor! keith and i are still close as before. he's funny laa. keep wanting me to watch 'just follow law' ! he also said he wanted to go shoppin with me durin the great singapore sales. haha. and he said he wanted me to eat with him at this restaurant. hahaha. i gave two of my piglets to jenis. hehh. perhaps i should meet them more often like the past. haha..

im home all day. i thot you might want to meet, and i knew i'll be able to get out todae. but nevermind. this is saddening. seriously. this isn't right. i veri well know what's goin on. but i somehow dunno too. and it's makin me crazy. unable to concentrate on anything.. i dun like this feeling. i feel like craps. hahaha. life is stupid.. i couldn't sleep, yet i kept wanting to sleep because i dun wanna think.. im losing my sanity thinkin about things that i shouldn't be brooding over and shouldn't be caring. it feels kinda pain. kinda dumb. kinda... ahh whatever.. i dunno. and it doesn't matter.. hhahahahaha. :/

deep inside, i dunno if you're still part of me.. will time be able to heal the wound?

if only i can see my girls everydae. if only i can sleep all day long. im sure i'll be much more happierr.. i've decided mayb i wanna stop using the com.. haha, and i'll try my best. cos im alwaes so tempted to use it, to see if u're there.. just so tempted. haaha.

*i rmb that voice. that laughter. those songs. they're in my mind. all day long..

great dae.

2007-05-19T23:56:00.000-07:00

hahaha. what a great dae!

met up with my girls. we had a hell lot of fun. we went partyworld. lol. sang many songs. funniest was YMCA-by eunice sis! we had free flow of drinks thanks to delin. hee. 'dickson and sky' hahahaha. we started cam-whorin too. hee. then had dinner. then dessert. then went to take a boat ride. hee. it was fantastic can! hee. hahaha.

there's this time when we wanted to get down by the escalator. yet it wasn't workin. we had to walk down. the four of us had the same reactions.. hahaha.
'wah lao' <-- think yn sis said sth like that. haha.

'wah lao eh' <-- eunice sis said this! hahaha

'huh! wah lao' <-- i said this. :P

'aiyo. wah lao eh' <-- delin darlin said this! hahaha.

hahahas. enjoy the photos. :D

yn! hahah. and my twist! hee

eu sis and me!

darlin. weili

delin and eunice!

zi lian-ing! lol

nana and me! =D

yeo yi nah again! heh

delin. yinah.

sis n i!

i love her mostt can! heeheh

zi lian =D

eunice. yinah

wo he darlin

me again!!

wo he da jie ! lol

sisters forever!

four of us in the boat (:

eunice. delin. weili

its name is 'famous five' hahah

chen de lin !

blurr

crazy us

sisters

she started emo-ing! hehes

we took hell lot of photos. heheh. hmm. and im extremely full todae. i havent been eatin much the past daes then ate quite alot todae. my gastric is actin up again. hais. but like what yn sis have said. do i look like i care? hahaha. i even ate the slices of lemon in the drinks. heee. it's been half a yr since the four of us met up. we must meet up more often! hehe.

*i dun like disappointments. i've decided not to ask anymore.. :D

sat morn

2007-05-19T10:43:00.000-07:00

it's saturdae mornin! hahaha.

and in a few more hours, im gonna meet up with them. im so excited.. =DDDD

anyways, ytd, band had cca photo takin. hmm. i felt rather sad. mummy don't allow me to go for anymore band practices. all becos of 'o' . hmm. though i myself know that i need to study. but i kinda dun bear to leave them.. i told fiq bout it, he seemed upset. =( im sorry. but i promised him i'll go back whenever i can. and when they need me in mallets or whatsoever, they can just give me a call. i haven't tell heihei about it. hmm. i dunno how to start.. AND i wanna get a xylophone. where the hell can i get one? hmm..

i had a bad dream last night. terriblee.. in the dream i was talkin to ying. she said sth veri scary.. hais. i guessed the fact is, this is hauntin me.. i wanna forget everything that had happened between us.

i feel blue knowin and seein you so down.. may god bless your friend. be happy ok silly.. (:

i better stop bloggin. need to do some work. hahaha. i look terrible today, my eye like sth wrong. it hurts. ):

*i did not want to think. yet i thought a lot.

HAIS

2007-05-18T20:59:00.000-07:00

i dun feel good.. im not satisfied with my results. not even my physics. hahaha.

i slept like only 3 hours? the whole freakin dae, my head hurts like hell.. and it's still hurtin now. it's gonna burst soon.. MT INTENSIVE was craps, but no choice. i must put up with this. hopefully i can score a gd grade for MT 'O' lvls though it seems kinda impossible. lols..

tmw~ tmw's the dae! we are finally meeting. :D

hmm. kinda disappointed that i didnt meet you todae. but it's realli alright. haha. anyway i dun feel that well too. see ya some other dae? you better be happy and take care alrights! =D

kinda sad that heihei mei mei didnt turn up todae. she's sick! recover soon okie! take care!

lalalalaaa.. can't wait for tmw. and anyways, i saw cherie jiejie's tag.. i miss her! :(
when wil we meet up again? hmm.

ahhh. i haven seen ying for a long time too! we wanted to go out after exams but till now we havent.. hmmms.

*i dun wanna think about anything.

hahaha

2007-05-16T02:26:00.001-07:00

blogger's fine! yays!

but as i've predicted. todae was bad. hahaha, what crap results i have. but whatever.. i didnt study much for this mid yr.. hmm, i realised alot of things. and i was upset todae, met up with yn sis! love her laa, sacrifice her time for me.. thanks alot sis.

we laughed alot todae. talked bout many stuffs.. dun lie to me sis! let's work towards our goals. hehehe. better go with me ahh!!

im confused, frustrated at first. but yn sis never fails to make me feel better. i learnt more things todae again..

im gonna study hard again.. guess i wont be bloggin so often anymore.. hmm.

in fact, i do miss you. hahaha.

2007-05-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

ah whatever! i'm gettin more and more weird as each day passes. and im starting to fall in love with the word 'whatever'

it's like one a.m now. and i needa wake up like 5 plus. there's morning blow tmw. and im meetin my hei hei mei mei. haha. i miss her man! she wanted to meet, and im goin for her sake. if not i'll not go.. hmm.

tiing talked to her. said she wanna tell me many things.. ahh, im so frustrated. what's wrong with me. hais.. im so scared.. i know it's becos of my damned atiitude that things turned out this wae. hais.

i need fresh air.. when? tmw lunch with sis?! oh ya.

HAIS

i wanna see heihei! in like few more hours. dun worry, few more hours only. hmmm.
i conclude tmw, as in todae, will be a dreadful dae. :(

2007-05-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

i seriously dun understand why is blogger like that at home. makes me so frustrated.. ahhh!!

that call at ard 8 plus last night simply made my day. silly's laughter is extraordinary. =D

then didi called.. then we talked. then he asked me to call his phone cos his sis wanna use the phone. lol.. and this happened...

'halo' <-- mii
'hello' <-- weijie, he sounded like an indian laa.
then i thot he was playin. so i like laugh abit. then..
'halo' <-- i said again. lols.
'who do you wanna find?' <-- indian replied sth like that.
in my mind was, omg dun tell me i dialed the wrong number..
'huh! sorry sorry. wrong number!' <-- then i immediately hung up.

i called didi again. hahaha. then i told him i dialed the wrong number. then he kept laughin like mad laah.. then he said it was him!! HIM lahs! INDIAN = DIDI ! im like so embarrassed. he kept laughin! but he really sounded like those kind of.. you know. hahaha.

i think im happy. hmm. i think it's not think. is really happy... haha. i dunno. princess wanna be prince, but i said no. hehes. perhaps some other dae, when you send me your pic, you can be prince. hehehes. :P

thanks didi for accompanyin me todae! :D

anyways, i saw snow with joey todae. haha. kinda weird.. but who cares ler right.. at least she found her friend. hee. just hope she dun mix with the wrong ppl. lalalalaaa..

*i want to but somehow im afraid...

cool

2007-05-14T22:57:00.000-07:00

i love bloggin at ah ma house. becos blogger's alwaes fine here. unlike at home.. :(

mid yr exams are finally over.. but nth's different..

i got to know the answer. i should long have thought bout that. but i didnt. i'm alwaes havin that veri naive thought. anyways, it's finally overr. and im such a gd girl. i didnt cry upon knowin it. though i felt like after that.. it's like boy said it without realisin that he has never told me bout tat. the weird thing is i totally blanked out when i heard the refdson. sis told me one dae when it hit me, i'll cry like hell. but i dunno. did feel like cryin my heart out but i didnt.

i realised many many stuffs too. the most impt was why he didnt wanna talk to me.. he didnt sae yea? but i guessed it i think.. hmm. thanku for tellin me so much things. i was really happy that dae. really :D

im never gonna trust a single one. never.. this is scary. felt so helpless. no one understands. they don't know. he made an impact in my life. but those memories are not gonna stay.. i'm great at blocking parts of my memories here and there.. so what if im deceiving myself.. this is life, isn't it?

i feel so empty somehow. but it's like at times, im really happy too. really.. like when i went out on fridae with silly. and on saturdae, with tiing.. and especially when silly sings to me yea..

but things wont stay like that always. right? hmm. i asked if you'll suddenly stop talkin to me.. you said you wont. but.. arghh.. i dunno.. sometimes i wish i could stop thinkin..

lalalaaa.. im goin out with sis n cj tmw~! lookin forward to it..
and im meetin my girls on saturdae! :D

sing to me everynight, that's what you've said. did you? lalalaaaa

2007-05-10T01:30:00.000-07:00

i went to read so many ppl's blog. guess im too bored. :/

some were real sadd. some made me realised many things... but one made me laughed too. there's this video in this blog.. laozhabor.blogspot.com

hahas, go watch kaes ppl! damned funny can.. lols

never to judge

2007-05-10T01:06:00.001-07:00

finally, blogger is normal here. but why not at home?!

i've come to realise that i sucks at judgin ppl, i dunno how to see if they're really nice or not. i don't know..

first, i thought he was so different and that he was real. seriously i thought everything was so real. yet he left. things were not like what i've thought before. they told me about him, i refused to heed their advice. and in the end, it was this crap.. hais

then. i thought you were not like your friend. hmm.. hahahs. i really find you veri nice..but they told me perhaps i should keep a distance from you. but i thought that my instinct is right. that i wont judge wrongly.. so i continued what i think is correct. but somehow it seems like im so wrong. hais. what's goin on.. i obviously am not happy. i dunno why i dunno why.. i think about it all day. arghh..

things weren't great these days. jiejie n i haven't talk to mummy for like two days? ahhh.. and i had a nightmare ytd. it was really veri scary. i woke up, wanted to go find mummy. but i didnt.. who can i turn to??

i started to realise that i cannot believe in anything. and that everything will vanish into thin air one day.. so what's the point of living? hmm. the only thing i m lookin forward to each day is mayb to have lotsa money then i can go shoppin? hahaha. this is ridiculous.. what m i talkin about?

but shoppin don't make me happy. it just makes me forget about things. keep my mind off things.. it's just like studyin.

anyways i think it's winston soh's bdae todae. HAPPY BIRTHDAE SOH! :D

*so what if exams are over :(

2007-05-08T04:42:00.001-07:00

what's wrong with blogger. ahhh! im gettin more and more sick each day. hais.

i guess you'll see this. and the fact is. i rather know why you've behavin like this than why he left.

wo you ku ler

2007-05-05T08:26:00.000-07:00

hais.. why why why..

wo you ku ler. ku de xiang ge da ben dan.. i read his letters again.. hais. i thought alot.. i just couldn't concdentrate. what's goin on..

thanks yn sis. you're alwaes there for me. :D

not only that.. everything's so wrong again.. so wrong.. so i dunno. i should have went to shuting's chalet with mummy and sis. now, im all alone at home. hais. cryin to my four walls and blasting music like nobody's business.. with yn sis tellin me so much stuffs.

no songs todae again. you went mia huh. i dun wish to probe much into askin why.. hmm. you'll tell me when u want to der rights? take care of yourself alrights, sound sick alwaes. hm, veri long never talk crap with ya ler. :(

hais. i need to study. like how i studied in the past. like crazy. then i'll stop thinkin bout everything. my whole mind will be filled with study study study, books books books. hahahaha. im goin crazy.. gao su wo wo yao zen me zuo..

why do i still feel the pain? i thought things became better. ahhh, it will be better one, tmw, i'll not think about it tmw. :D

where are you

2007-05-04T08:50:00.001-07:00

phew. bio paper is over. cheers everyone! :D

i want to slp, but i couldnt slp. that's so frustratin. these two daes, kor sent me home. thanks alot for your ride kor! =D and your meal todae! lol

you've been real sweet and nice. thank you for the songs these days. :D

ahhh! todae someone accompanied me throughout the exam.. gave me motivation. hahaha. and that's 'HU BABY' ! that's what we called her. though ting insisted it's 'HU DI'

she's cute rights?!! hehehe

i think i'll get crazy doin maths and chem this weekend. ):

*ni yao kuai ler.

disappointed

2007-05-03T04:11:00.001-07:00

u said ya sing to me. but you didnt. :(

hmm. ss paper was thrillin? haha. everyone kept writing awayy. hee. and i didnt stop writin too? lol.

i can't wait for exams to be over. i wanna go on a shoppin spree! hee. i dunno why, but i dun feel sad anymore.. a rather different kind of feelin now. hmmm.

tmr's bio paper. hope everyone does well. :D

i must go ah ma house tmw! i miss her laahs! hehehe.

hao xiang nii

2007-05-01T07:08:00.001-07:00

hmm..

it feels weird. things are so complicated. i can't help but kept cryin last night..
i guessed after so long, i somehow got to know sth. but i can't explain. this feelin isn't nice at all. it's been 3 months.. because of you, i felt like a loser. it seemed as if i lost everything. you were that important.. but because of you, i've learnt to be real strong and face this cruel reality.. it's still not the right time yet.. my eyes aren't dry yet.. but i'll be strong. i must be. :) i thought alot.. all i want is for you to be happy with her.. guess that's enough..

these daes, im goin crazy. not just becos of you, but also that stupid person, ken! ahh! whenever i mention him, my blood boils. you're so dumb. blinded by love that you dun even care about us! but yn sis is still bein so nice to be able to put up with this. thinkin about meetin ya for lunch i wanna kill you!! arghh!

all this time, if not for yn sis, my real sis, ying, wt, heihei n didi.. i guess i wont know how to continue. hmm. a big big thank u to YN ! love her to bits yea! hehehe.

i can't wait for exams to be over. lol. anyway i love to hear him sing laahs! hahas.

*my love for you has not come to a stop yet..
*i guess it wont.

:D

2007-04-29T08:09:00.000-07:00

heys thanks for singin to me yea. :D
it's real sweet!

baby i've never let u go before

2007-04-28T05:50:00.001-07:00

my extraordinary patience will bring me thru this..
i'll wait till i get the answer.
sometimes i dunno whether to cry becos it's over or smile because it happened.

tmr's 29th. it's been a long time.

*i love you

i dun fuckin care about how you feel? LOL

2007-03-24T07:21:00.001-07:00

hmm. it's been 6 daes. these 6 daes i've been feelin much better i surmise. i hardly think about it already. :D

i dunno what else to do. everything aren't working. i saw your nick. eh. i dun fking care about how you feel? if this was directed at me, i could only say it's your assumptions.. never will it be mine. i didn't try hard enough. perhaps you did try, but im just not used to it anymore.. i know i am to be blamed for this but i dunno what to do. perhaps you should tell me what i can do? hmmm

16 of april is the big big dae. hmm. i dunno why im so lousy. sometimes can get the tempo right, sometimes i just keep screwing up. i watched the vcd. i realised that i alwaes fail to follow the tempo when it's slow.. it's so obvious that i slowed down. so embarrassin! >.< ! i must practice hard, give all my best for the syf..

going to band after 4 is tiring. but fun. :D though sometimes we got scolded. but i enjoyed band practice with hei hei they all. hahaha. i love hei hei they all so much~

i miss lim si ying. lols. i wanna go out with her!! wonder when can find such time..

fuck it.

2007-03-19T00:57:00.001-07:00

oh what should i sae..

this damned life..

ok. let me make things clear. when i sae things aren't right. i mean my life. not things between me and you. when i sae wo hen tong ku. yes i am, but it has nth gotto do with you. the reason that i do not want to tell you anything is that the only thing im broodin over, you should know. and i shall sae no more about it. and i veri well know that everything's over. yes it's over. i dun wanna think bout it too. but i can't. seriously i can't. that's all i can sae. and i know that you hate or dislike him or whatsoever, so i do not want to mention bout it too. so, there's nth for me to sae. seriously nth. i dun talk bout it to anyone, so you can't sae im not tellin you stuff. becos i dun sae it to anyone. and you can't blame me for having nth to sae. becos i realli dunno what else to sae. but it's not as if i dun talk to you. i already said, if you have sth to talk about, you can start talkin first, and soon i'll start crappin. that's me. you should know.. and you are puttin words in my mouth. saying that you are nth to me. did i ever sae that? think hard, i did not ever sae that.. hmm. and what are you so amazed about?

lalalalaaa. i found out and i concluded ; it's your loss..
this will end ; i'll love you NO MORE ~

HAPPY BIRTHDAE EUNICE SIS !

=(

2007-03-15T08:27:00.001-07:00

我很痛苦!

neoweihan.. i miss youu

2007-03-13T03:55:00.001-07:00

things aren't right..

i still do things which im not supposed to do. hais. imu. i really do.

i pray and wish tmr's exchange will be great..

misses*

i miss him

2007-03-02T05:15:00.001-08:00

busy daes dun keep my mind off you.. 14 more daes. hmm.

aaron kor n i are gettin better too. (: snow and i however are just okie onli. but hope things get better..

there's band tmr. got audition. hope i make it. (:

im meetin diana jiejie too!! hehehhe. so happy, i haven't seen her for like million years. gonna go get thing from him too. im so scared to see him. hais. dunno what to sae though i think i dun need to sae anything. he must have changed alot. hmm.

bottled up*

hais. wo hai hen xiang nii

2007-02-21T07:27:00.001-08:00

pathetic CNY. wanted to post some pics. but blogger is mad. hais.

i'm goin crazy..

我还是很想他。how am i gonna continue.. there isn't a 29 this month. it's gonna be a mth. it seems still like yesterdae. wth rights. arghh. busy daes. yet such things still happen. tell me what went wrong. hais.

i need to study. study! >.< !

my room~

2007-02-16T17:35:00.001-08:00

i love my green room! :D

lalalaaa

2007-02-16T06:18:00.001-08:00

hmm. it somehow became blurred. i dunno why. i guess i blocked that part of my memory. hmm.

met rafi todae. hahahahha. damned funny okie! haha. :D

anyway im pissed with this person lahs. veri disappointed too. hais. im not gonna talk to you! arghh!

i cleaned and packed my room okie. it's damned pretty now.. (: stupid moron blogger. i can't upload those pics.

enough is enough

2007-02-12T02:39:00.001-08:00

dumb dumb dumb!

it finally came. my mood is obviously affected again. i hate it but im starting to think alot again. i cannot help it but kept thinkin why. why did things turn out this way? i guessed i still dunno why. i guessed i just can't accept the fact that you had already left.. i don't want to believe that it's already half a month, and im still crying over this.. i don't know why im still clinging on to this.. after reading those things, seeing those stupid things. i really really felt stupid. seriously ZERO iq. i actually took the reason why you left. i dunno how you get me to trust you until when u sae u love me, i actually believe it without any doubts. it's like you were lying from the start and imma fool believin everything. i don't like the feelin when whatever i do, it reminds me of you.. i've never been in such a state. i feel stupid for fallin with in love with you. and because it's gonna be 14 on wed. im even more crap. it supposed to be that dae. that veri special dae. but it will never be. the past will never be present tense again.. you once said you were mine forever. hahaha. you once said so much things that it's not true anymore. it's just so painful. :(

hmm. i actually feel better after typin non-stop.. hais. i have to get over. get over. get over with this. im lookin forward to sch everydae. i wanna go band.. (: i can't wait for saturadae, RAFI'S COMING!! anyway kor passed his practical 8! hahaha. soon he'll get his license..

i don't wanna let go but i know there's no point anymore.. there's no way that you'll be back..

fcuk

2007-02-10T21:30:00.000-08:00

hais. i fell sick. i've having a fever, bad sore throat and flu. i used a whole roll of tissue! >.< ! stayed at home the whole dae.

im happy for ying, sherman, liang! haha.. they got their results back. haha. im inspired! lols.

went for bendemeer concert ytd. quite okie.. happy mallets was of cos the best! featurin soh poh how! haha. the last song was nice too! rafi played xlyo. he damned cute lahs! haha. cam n i took his number. hahas. took a few pics ytd too. haha..

it supposed to be that on that dae. but it no longer will be. we no longer belong to each other. hmms.

*never let you go

?

2007-02-07T18:41:00.000-08:00

i woke up from this beautiful dream, where the happiest thing happened. i'm back to reality, where i know things willl never be like what i wanted.

i laughed at myself for the foolish things i've done. it's ridiculous.. they were merely words. 18 daes, 10 daes. hmm. every single dae. it's the same thing happening. though they weren't true, i smiled upon looking at them. inane acts that i can't control! lol

the donkey story is a nice one! it made me realise things. life has to go on..

lalalaaa..

my precious! cute bahs! hee!!

HAIS

2007-02-04T21:02:00.000-08:00

heys. i want and i dun want. hais.

hais. hais. hais.

prayin and prayin.. :(

imu

weihan, i miss you

2007-02-02T22:24:00.000-08:00

when will miracle happen? when will things be back to normal?

all of a sudden, i wish you were here. i wish for the impossibles to happen.. i hate the nights..

i saw ken todae! he's still so tall~! i met jon with ven todae. i had ice mocha from coffeebean. (: i've been wanting to drink that for a long time.

lalalaaaa...

misses*

i still miss you

2007-02-01T11:38:00.000-08:00

i still think.. i still miss.

im tryin my veri best. i felt much better talkin to my sis. love her lots. i read the second letter again. hmms.

hope it arrives! if not i'll do all sorts of things just to retrieve it..

i think things which are impossible. i wish there's the rewind button..

hope chan can give me the pup. hee. (:

fourth dae*

i miss you alot

2007-01-31T20:29:00.000-08:00

i guessed todae was better.. though it still wasn't that great..

i've received the other letter.. hais. love me, do you? hmm.. i'm still waitin for the other letter.. i hope it will be sent back to me..

ow oay in oah oah oahz ug in iz ij. ub oay iy ihz ekoms..
i llits ssim uoy..

77 daes.

2007-01-30T09:03:00.000-08:00

i told myself that this is life. it's part and parcel of growing up. hmm.

i will or in fact i must pick myself up. i should have knew that i can't trust this.

their predictions were so right.. eventually.. it came to such an endin. lol. kinda stupid. i tried so hard to prevent. i alwaes thot that i could prove them wrong. yet i can't. i dunno how to bring this up to mummy if she's gonna ask.. i dun even noe what to sae to sis if she asks. lalalaa..

i'm not dumb dumb. i'll never be one again. i'll never believe again..

i miss my girls.. must meet up soon!

i wanna thank those who cheered me up. thanks really. (:
i'm having a terrible migraine. kinda feverish too. :(

hamster damned ke ai lahs! unknowingly, hamster made me smile too.. hehe.

*i love VENESSA* :D

fool

2007-01-28T16:05:00.000-08:00

things aren't any better. you should know that. but you aren't doing anything. i tried by tellin you already. it's not that you are a jerk, it's just that i'm a fool. i don't wanna miss you.. but you are constantly appearing in my mind. hauntin me. tell me what to do.. :'(

im sick again. :(

it's already the 8TH DAE !

i hate myself

2007-01-26T18:15:00.000-08:00

hais. i hate myself for being so blurr..

i screwed up my whole life. it's in a mess. i want that letter. it's just bloody important to me. and now, how am i gonna get that back?

all i know is cry. shit life. what's goin on? what's so wrong? hate my attitude. im just so frank that i guessed i've hurt snow with those kinda words i noe i cant take back after sayin. but i dun mean that..

please, im prayin to get the letter back. im hopin that things will turn out fine please. im not strong anymore.. i broke down.. hais.

hmm

2007-01-25T17:59:00.000-08:00

im tryin to see a reason in everything that had happened.

im tryin to stae optimistic. (:

what would you do if you wanted to talk to someone so much yet you didnt becos you lack de courage and that you dunno what to sae? what would you do if you tried to talk and yet nth much came out of it?

i wanna thank those who've been cheerin me up. even lil lil msgs makes me feel better.

arghh, it's freezin cold todae! weird things happened to my skin! when i reached home, the first thing i did was to get the letter box key. i opened it. yet i still dun get the letter i wan! >.< ! the postwoman was there. i waited. she left. in the end, i received a letter to go to the traffic police next tues at 1145! how can! hmm. i pushed it to tmr. after in focus! :(

*prayin that every tmr will be more pleasant* *curse the person who've stolen snow's money*

where's my backspace button?!

2007-01-22T22:37:00.000-08:00

my mood swings so fast that i myself cannot take it. >.< ! imagine how can she take it?! thanks for being there!

i want a miracle to happen. which is veri unlikely. i wanna make wonders. i want something different. this stagnant life has to end!

or perhaps let the backspace button exists in reality. it should help.

my life is FULL of craps! how am i gonna adjust it back?!

hmm. i wish it will be better tmr. (:

-timeless-

2007-01-21T23:45:00.000-08:00

hmm.

reading is pleasure.. it makes my day.. especially on a dae i don't feel like doing anything!!

i kinda miss alot of ppl.. i wondered why it seemed like i missed out alot.. life has to be better.

more storybooks please!! :)

tmr snow's not goin to sch. i lent my earpiece to honey. im gonna bored to death tmr. hope farha remembers to bring the storybook!! hehehe.

*TIMELESS* so nice!! hehehe.

gosh.

2007-01-15T22:14:00.000-08:00

hmm. first dae of the third week.

honey, i am missin you badly already! how.. i need storybooks to keep me occupied!!

lookin forward to band practice tmr! hee.

i want and need a keyboard!!

livin my life to the fullest

2007-01-12T19:51:00.000-08:00

hmm. i haven't been bloggin. and my blog is rotting.

sch started for two weeks i guessed. i supposed it was disastrous. but it turned out especially fine for me. seriously, very well. except the physics test. hmms.

and i love goin to school. cos i can see ven! and not only her. aaron.. aaron kor is really craps ok! especially todae, which made us laugh like non stop. about the chinese thingy ' ben niao xian fei ' hahahaha. though i guessed nobody would understand our joke. but hahahas. the only thing is i dread wakin up early in the morning.

i haven seen baby for 5 days. hmm. we hardly talk too. if only he's here, my life would be even greater. (: ! hope im seein him tmr. i miss him badly!

i found out from ck kor some things. haha. you know, fancy me believin what he sae. i can't imagine that! and ck kor asked me to talk some sense in you, i seriously dunno what to sae. all i can sae that you changed negatively. though im in no position to sae this, but you ought to reflect.

hehe, baby's comin tmr. haha, i wonder have he changed. lol. im thinkin too much. haha. im kinda excited. i haven seen him for a long time..

ahh, mummy dun allow me to go for band tmr. i wanna go!! >.< ! i love the tekomai song! hehe.. there's this sec one who was in percussion in the past, he's cute lahs! and the short short one!! haha.

*life would be greater with you around at all times.

=D

2007-01-01T22:22:00.000-08:00

hmm. after a night of inane things i've done, i've decided. and afterall it's a NEW YEAR. (:

i met honey todae, though awhile but im glad enough! and thanks to my retard lao da-ho fung, for accompanyin quite long. lol.

i planned and thought alot. hee. i cant wait for tmr. cos im meetin my girl! and my kor, addie, i haven seen him for years lahs!!! hehehe, i cant wait to see my baby most! hehehe.

I LOVE MY DUMB DUMB~

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2007-01-01T02:51:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR! =D

hmm, it's new year. great start? lols. i'll strive for what i want. =D i will. no one can stop me. when sch starts, i guess this place would be stagnant. lols.

who can i speak to when i feel so fcuked up? or what can i do? hais

if only i have magic powers

2006-12-30T19:10:00.000-08:00

life is about sleepin =D

i've been sleepin. becos when i sleep, i dun think.. i thought alot. over and over again. i feel dumb. hais. i just can't stop thinkin.. i sleep when there's nth to eat too. =x

i finished bio =D and thats all that i've finished. must finish chem too.

i guess i'll alwaes remain silent until i've got sth to sae. hais..

hais, if only i have magic powers!! >.<

i hope everything will be better tmr.

i dun wanna tear for you again

2006-12-28T22:07:00.000-08:00

nth good has been comin up these daes.

i told you i would be feelin weird these daes. i told you, you said you will understand. but you dun seems to. yes, im frustrated, but i dunno why too. hais. the rain is a no big deal. i haven felt lidat with you before. never. will you ever understand?

im worried about snow. call me asap ok!

nth makes me happy. todae was a total disaster! mummy just opened the letter box, i got ying's card! thanks girl. at least it makes me smile. (: i can't wait to meet you on sundae!

i wanted to sae alot, but i just dunno how.
bottled up!!

u know craze !

2006-12-26T22:47:00.000-08:00

hmms. i started to go crazy over dbsk. esp u know!!! YUN HO! lalalaa. i wan all their albums..

todae's a fruitful dae. i finished circular measure. finally! hmm. i've got lotsa more to do!

i miss snow! she's so upset. it makes me feel down too. cheer up my dear girl.

hmm. things have been complicated for me n baby. but everything's over. i wanna see you soon. and i wonder when would it be. it's onli two daes. but i miss you already. seriously, i think of you alwaes. it feels weird when you call me by my name. lalalaaa... it makes me laugh seein you so silly.. =D

i want everything of me and you to last..
i trust you baby~

we are different :(

2006-12-25T23:30:00.000-08:00

hmm. i had a bad dae. thats all i can sae.

hmm. im hopin that this will... but we seems to have so much differences. i guess you hated the wae i responded to things. but thats me. hais. thats me! i dunno how to explain and i dunno wat to sae.

should i be disappointed with myself or what. you do made white lies too, dun you? this time i lied just to help you.. i guess you dunno that..

life is so crap nowadaes! anyway merry christmas ppl! =)

if im evil, thats de wae i am..
if im ill-mannered, thats the wae i am..
if im bad, im realli bad.
if im good, i'll be real gd.
lalalaaa..

boredom kills

2006-12-17T20:17:00.000-08:00

im bored. studied a lil. slept alot. my throat is still feelin bad. my cough is not gettin better. gonna post some pics of me when i was young. enjoy! haha

hahaha!

hehehe

2006-12-16T20:53:00.000-08:00

im sick todae. down with flu, cough and sore throat.

hehehe. im so happy. i had lotsa fun yesterdae. hehe. of cos with my boii. :D after i went to ah ma house, i went his place. his mum is friendly lahs. haha. but dunno how to pronounce my name. =X

we went to vivo.. i bumped into bernice n clarence. the sweet lil couple. hahas. hmm. we went haagen daz for ice cream!! hehehe, it was heavenly.. baby.. i'll listen to you next time ok! hahas. we watched eragon, it wasnt as exciting as i expected. hmm.

then CABLE CAR RIDE again! this time we took it in the night. damned pretty oks! haha. thanks boii.. i thot you did not want to sit the glass cabin one. but in the end you bought tickets for that. im touched! =D really, thats why i said yes. hahaha.

anyways, HAPPY BIRTHDAE WEIJIE DIDI!!

**ilu i really do**

one month =D

2006-12-14T23:10:00.000-08:00

these daes have been gd. though tiring. haha. enjoyed myself with everyone but i miss him so much. we got the medal we wanted. =D but we've got to work even harder. i believe we can and we will! =D i love the band!

i miss ven too! hahaha. lucky im seein her soon soon.

todae is the 14th. one month ler. im so happy. =D hmm. ilu 7 ok! haha

will you be mine alwaes? hmm

2006-12-08T23:15:00.000-08:00

after a night of cryin. i stil dun feel well. both physically and mentally.

to me, of cos i think you became worse. becos you arent lidat in the past.

anyway i dreamt of him again. another nightmare.. =( is it really ri you suo si ye you suo meng. hmm.. you've never talked to me lidat. hmm.. it makes me upset. it makes me cry.

all i want is sleep n sleep. feelin so terrible now. i need snow.. =( recover soon girl..

HAPPY BIRTHDAE KEITH BOII!! =)

HAIS

2006-12-07T23:22:00.000-08:00

i enjoyed every band practice nowadaes. i cant wait for kl trip. i wan the gold. we must thrash other bands. hehehe. jia you! todae there's a party for de graduatin members. hmm. cla kor leavin ler. hmmm. he talked to us befor he left. i kinda miss the times perks had fun with him. the times we been with each other no matter what. the times when we all got scolded by suk. the times when cla kor alwaes made us stae back after every practice. now, everything's different. without him, sometimes the section feel weird. but it's been a long time. hope perks wont let him down. hehe. PERKS ROCKS! =DDD

the other side of life doesnt seems well. hais, what's wrong with my sis. hais. she just dun wanna sae n i didnt probe into it. but i just dun feel gd about it. i just DONT. hais. dad came todae, which is like >.< ! mummy's so happy bout it. i guess she still loves him so so much. why? hmmm. mummi fell down, i saw dad sort of like rubbed for her. they seems to still care so much for each other. hmmmm..

i feel so hais now. i couldnt find snow. called her like million times. hais. dunno whats wrong.. wonder if she's ok.. she said she wanna come tmr. and i cant find her!!

he's out. told me to wait for me. and i am. hmm. i felt so much. hmm. i miss him. hmm. it's gonna be his birthdae soon soon. hee. gonna be our one month too. seems fast. hmm.

i hope this lasts...

last tears for you..

2006-12-06T22:01:00.000-08:00

band was of cos great yesterdae..

went to buy his present at cine. hmm. with ven. hee. happy happy.

went to kbox wif sis, cj n him. hmm. alot of things happened. so upset over it. hmmm. my sis is not home yet. im worried. hais. she switched off her phone. =(

i wanna see him n her soon. they make me happy. i want to be happy. i want my sis to be happy too. hais.

anyway ppl changed. real fast.. was it my fault these changes happened? hmm.

im fallin deeper each dae..

hais

2006-12-05T01:07:00.000-08:00

what is wrong.

i waited so long. and almost everydae i wait. just for a sms. or perhaps a phonecall. why. i dunno why..

when one saes 'sorry' too many times. this word becomes meaninless.

dun spoil someone's mood then sae nvm, it hurts.

lalalaax

2006-12-04T18:59:00.000-08:00

i enjoyed band todae. =)

hmm. i saw yk on my wae to interchange. kinda shocked. dunno why. he seemed to have changed. but he also seemed like he didnt change at all. haha, what m i talkin bout. whatever. hmm

i went around.. bored! my sis lied! why mux you lie? eu said that!!! >.<

i haven seen her for a long time. i wanna meet her. but our time keep clashin! hais!

can i have one more month of break? hais.

HMM

2006-12-01T23:44:00.000-08:00

in 30mins time, it's gonna be 2nd dec.. time flies. two years just passed so quickly.

the sands are running out. im racing against time. i have so much to do. just so much. pathetic me, im so in a holiday mood. =(

hmm, sometimes i feel so much. i thought so much. sometimes i wondered about the lil things you've said. i guessed i thought too much. =/

i want to see him. but it's gonna be long before i see him again. anyway i havfen seen her for a long time too. =( i just dun have enough time.

i think i whined too much. lalalaaa

i miss my ah ma*

so near yet so far

2006-11-28T22:10:00.000-08:00

hmm.

i've got lotsa to sae todae.

hmm. i seriously want the gold so badly now. i believe the sec 3s feel the same wae too. i dun wanna regret again. i dun wan. but how am i goin to tel the juniors those kind of feelins? how. hmm. i realli love my section =D . the gold seems so near, yet so far. hmms

i haven seen her for daes. she's upset. i couldnt do anything for her. =( all i can sae is im alwaes here you should noe. tell me when eu feel like. the rain would be soon over, and the sun will shine again..

it's wed again tmr. =D gonna see him. hahaha. so happy~ it seems like i haven seen him for a veri veri veri long time. though it haven been a long time, but i do know i really ("v") you ! hee
lalalaa. it's gonna be wednesdae! can time fly faster now? and stop when tmr comes? hmm

*i think of you every moment

baby i love eu

2006-11-22T21:44:00.000-08:00

todae. hmm

i woke up so earli. lalalalaa... waited for him to sms me. =) haha, he came n we went to have mac breakfast! hahas.. then he came. he wanted to slp. but end up did not. hahaha. my music is disturbin him. haha. he's so cute lahs. so naughty lor, keep want to tickle me! >.<
then we went to vivo.. watched monster house! it's 3D one ok! he wear de spects so funni lor. hahaha. he laughed until veri dumb too! hahas. he sang songs to me! haha. his chinese is not tat gd n when he speaks chinese, it seems like he's not from S'pore! haha. he's so sweet and cute when he sings..

i hope eu meant every lil thing eu've said.. for i'll never forget any of them. hmmm. i cant wait to see him again..

BABY I LOVE YOU!

tired

2006-11-21T19:42:00.000-08:00

i haven been bloggin for quite some time! cos blogger is mad! couldnt publish eu noe! so pissed! lalalaas.

i haven seen her for a long time. hmm. i miss her. but i dun think she miss me. n sorri i made eu wait yesterdae. hais. sorri.

it's wednesdae tmr. =D i miss him.

`i need to lose more weight!!!!!!!!!!!

PAIN!

2006-11-16T20:38:00.000-08:00

ARGHH! IM IN PAIN. my ear hurts like hell. bleed todae durin break. hmm. alot of blood lost ok! =(

and now my gastric is hurtin lik crazy. hais.

arghh. i can't continue. hurts!

hmms

2006-11-14T22:55:00.000-08:00

todae..

band was bad. seriously. im feelin so pathetic so hais bout it. percussion wifout taufiq is realli upside down. taufiq, faster come back!! hais. i think im not fit to be a percussionist! ='( hais.

hmm. talked on fone wif ven. hmm. i met weihan at tamp. but swensens not opened! went back compass point to have swensens. haha. he so cute la.. realli damned cute. cheered mi up alots. thanks boii. =) he sent me home..

fσυятєєи11тωσzєяσzєяσ6**

lalalaaa

2006-11-13T22:07:00.000-08:00

hmm. i think i lost my sanity. hmm.

can someone save me? i feelin so so so craps.. i think ven is also feelin so craps. hahaha

*misses*

over the moon

2006-11-13T09:09:00.000-08:00

lalalaax..

it's 1.02am. im happi. i guess so. hmm. he's so nice lahs. :) so adorable. hahaha.

i cant wait to watch grudge 2 wif ven. haha

i wanna thank winston chan!! and also sae sorri. i too blurr ler. sae wrong nickname. hai him waste money. so sorry! actualli he wan give mi items der. so ke xi. hm. but its ok. thanks alot!

im in heaven. i miss him*

happy? hmm

2006-11-12T17:12:00.000-08:00

should i sae im happy? hmm, i guessed so.

yesterdae was fun. earli in the mornin, ven came, we studied. played o2. crapped alot. hahas. then we decided to watch grudge 2 at cine. then it rained. we looked stupid takin a pooh umbrella. =D hahas. but who cares.

then we realised we saw the wrong place from the newspaper. no movie. =( then went to chicago's steakhouse at bout 3pm. ate gd food. hahahas. damned full. which lasts me til todae noon. then window shoppin. hahas.

then. we parted at ard 5 plus. on my wae home weihan wanted to meet. so i went home to changed again. hahas. he came to fetch me! so sweet lahs. :) went to vivo. he's so crap. keep saein funni n stupid things. he's so cute when he speaks chinese. haha. we watched final call at 935. final call is nc16 n i made it in. =) so fun.. vivo is huge. weihan said his sense of direction is gd. but ended up walked one big round lor. hahas.

hmm. took the last train home wif him. hahas. anyway dun watch final call, not veri nice. it's kinda like red candy. its the same ringtone. then when de person die, a red candy would come out of his/her mouth. hmms.

weird weird. suddenly so many ppl asked me out. ven, liang, alex, cherie. then stil got so many. hmm.

so much homeworks! arghh!! still got band tml. hmms. no time to rest. lalalalaax. hmms
dunno what to do.

2006-11-10T19:31:00.000-08:00

happy. becos todae was the last dae of lessons. =D

happy cos its gonna be her bdae soon.

im happy talkin to him too :)

she's comin tomolo. we gonna have lotsa fun again.

i woke up n i thot of him~

hmm

2006-11-09T23:39:00.000-08:00

glad that its fridae tomolo.

im upset. becos my nails break. dunno why all so weak one!! keep breakin. i had a hard time growin time n they broke!!! ='(

im goin upside down.

=(

2006-11-07T23:11:00.000-08:00

dunno whats wrong. hais
happiness onli lasted for a few daes.

anyway i wan to tel the whole world that ms lee is a nice teacher. =) she's extremely gd ok! hahas. =D

:D

2006-11-06T21:35:00.000-08:00

happy birthdae mummy~
hahas. hope she dun need work so xin ku in future. hee.

im happy happy. i dunno why. =)
anyway weihan says he's gonna help me find jovi! cool huh. haha. hope he manages to find him. he veri funni lor. hahahas.

life will be better each dae. i miss my girls. yinah, delin, eunice. hmm. can't wait to meet them.

lalalaax

2006-11-04T19:15:00.000-08:00

hmm. im still happy. 3 daes ler. happy me. hee. lalalaax

todae ven came. we studied. then crapped. then took pics. veri funni pics. cos we were in pyjamas. hahaha.

i veri long neva jam. then yesterdae jam. so lousy now. =((( mux practice!! also mux memorise score!!!! o.O

crazy..

2006-11-03T06:39:00.000-08:00

lalalaax. im happy. these two daes were great. esp when im in band. totally not thinkin bout any other things except de songs. hahas.. sometimes i can't wait to go to kl. but sometimes i hope it dun come so soon. we need more time. hmm..

todae. im so happy. hahas. went to eat kfc wif baby. then talked. then eat. haha. was fun. then met sherrill. haha. then go ah ma house together. baby taught meilin lor. i think she was fed up too!! wahahahas..

she liks sirui. hahahas. so funni.. sherril n her seems to man he de lai der. they can be great frends. hehehes..

extremely upset

2006-11-02T00:26:00.000-08:00

i feel lik cryin.

hais. just hate to see this. go awae forever. i dun wanna see eu! hais

hais

2006-11-01T14:11:00.000-08:00

arghh!! i m goin insane. think my sis is goin insane too. hahaaha..

exams again!! =( now, im puzzled. which to use from the three choices?!!! hais. life is so difficult.

im tired every single dae. slp n slp stil so tired. hais. if can slp forever jiu hao. =(

dunno what im lookin forward to. perhaps band onli i think.. hmm.

*shoot me to heaven